The Law of Large Numbers

Meeting girls is really about the law of large numbers. As perhaps my top wingman to date described to me once, “Yes, I may always go home with someone when we are out at the bar. But what you don’t see, is that I talk to a good 20 or 30 girls in the place and get shot down by most of them.” Yes, meeting girls is about the law of large numbers. Sure, some of you less educated readers may think that what I really mean is the law of averages. But I assure you, that it is not. Regardless, the law of large numbers is a real thing.

And as with any ridiculous law, be-it a Zion, IL law prohibiting pet owners from giving a lit cigar to their domesticated animals, or the law prohibiting men from winking at women that they are unacquainted with in Ottumwa, IA, I look for ways to bend, or even break them. In the case of the law of large numbers, I think that there is a perfect way to bend the large numbers portion of the law.

“There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves. Single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch. Sorry five. Recently widowed.”

Lets think about this for a moment. The reason that the law of large numbers works is because as your sample size grows (indiscriminate of the quality of the sample, in our case, an available cutlet) so does the probability that you will find a positive result. But, if we take into account the previous statement, we will realize that we don’t have to do as my wingman does and talk to a plethora of girls. No. all we have to do is talk to girls who are by themselves in places that would contribute them to being single.

As such, I have compiled a list of the top places to find and talk to single girls. I am certain that if you follow my guidelines as to where and when you should be going that you will find yourself a hot little number in no time.

• Hardware Store: Naturally you knew that I was going to include this location in my list. As referenced from the quote above, there are five types of girls who will be found by themselves in a hardware store. All of them are potential targets and you should approach cautiously. You never know which one you are going to get.
• Sex and the City Movie Showing: Now I know this may be a little late for some of you out there. The movie has been out for some time, but quite frankly, I wasn’t ready to give up this tasty little tip when it was getting some prime usage by yours truly. Sex and the City, or any other seemingly trashy single female movie is the perfect place to meet a girl who is just that. Female. Trashy. Single. Trust me.
• Massachusetts: While the state is quite possibly the biggest stain on this great nation since New Jersey, West Virginia, and Paris Hilton, the opportunities here are immense. In what other state in the Northeast are you able to witness a lesbian wedding and then go home with both the bride and the pseudo-groom? Without a doubt this is one of your best opportunities for riding the tricycle.
• Speed Dating Event: The epitome of desperate is a woman who has to use gimmicks and schemes, such as speed dating or match.com to find a date. While I would never attend such an event myself, what I would do is show up at the bar shortly before the event is supposed to end. While the pathetic fools who are trying to date these women will have spent a few short moments with them, you have the opportunity to stop one as they are ready to get away from all the losers that they knew they weren’t compatible with.
• Divorce Attorney’s Office: The jackpot of all places to meet a single woman. Without any doubt, you will find a single (or real close to being single) woman here. And, as long as you do your research and know just how good that attorney is, you will know the amount of her settlement. Can you say Jackpot?