Of or pertaining to tailors and their craft

“Suits are full of joy. They’re sartorial equivalent of a baby’s smile.”

It never ceases to amaze me at just how little some people know about suits when, let’s face it, suits are awesome! There are a few things that you, my sartorially challenged friends, might not know about suits. There are many different styles of suits and typically styles are based around the location of the tailor. Aside from the differences in buttons, there are different styles based on where the tailor happens to be from. American tailors will make suits quite different from Italians or British tailors. For instance, American business suits are a bit more casual than your typical British or Italian suits. And for the record, if a coat has two rows of buttons on the front it is considered double breasted. One row, single breasted.

Your typical American suit has moderate shoulder padding, a single vent, and minimally tapered sides. An American suit is a bit more trendy than your other classifications. They show that you like to impress but that you aren’t too concerned with some of the more classical and conservative styles that are available.

British suits, on the other hand, typically have minimal shoulder padding, moderately tapered sides and typically have two vents. Personally, I find British suits to look a bit more ridiculous than your American or Italian suits. But really, how much more ridiculous can the Brits get? Their fashion trends include wearing too much red, rarely brushing their teeth and a penchant for wigs of white curly hair.

Italian suits, in my not-so-humble opinion, happen to be the crème de la crème of the suit world. They are characterized typically by strongly padded shoulders, strongly tapered sides and typically have no vents. And for those of you curious about what a vent is, it would be the opening in the back of a jacket.

Understanding the intricate differences amongst the different styles of suits will not only improve your sartorial knowledge, it will get you laid. Trust me. The ladies love it when a man knows how to dress and when a man chooses the right style suit for his figure.

Think of your suit as the male equivalent of the little black cocktail dress. Every woman owns one. Every woman thinks she looks good in the one she has, but you and I both know that some women should not be wearing their little black cocktail dress. If the dress doesn’t compliment the womans body, she is going to be the laughing stock of the cocktail party and the same can be said of a suit. This is why, it is important to spend the extra money and purchase a custom tailored suit. You’ll thank me later.

Ohhhhhhhh

Yes, that was the sound of me browsing a certain social networking website the other evening. I’ve found that social networking websites are an easy way of meeting girls. I’m not sure why it is, but for some reason girls seem to be more open on those websites than a two dollar hookers legs. I don’t know if I can find an easier way of finding girls than on social networking websites.

You can browse through all the girls in your particular network and determine who you just wouldn’t be compatible.

30? Off the list.
Crazy, liberal, vegan goth? Goodbye.
Lack of tramp stamp? Cut.
Overweight? Lose her.

I’m sure you are picking up what I’m laying down. So it was the other night as I was running a quick search on a particular social networking website for girls who were single, between the ages of 18 and 29 and happened to be looking for something. I happened across an attractive blonde who seemed to fit most of the categories. I’d give her about a 7 on a scale of 10. No where near my finest score, but still would have been worth the effort of a few clicks. I zeroed in on some of her photos. A couple of tattoos here and there that just screamed total slut and I figured that this would be so simple.

And then, I had that Ohhhhhhh moment. As I was examining a photo of her tramp stamp (which was one of those awful tribal designs that only mean, “Target”), I did a double take and just went Ohhhhhhh before closing out of her page. In the background of her photo was the picture of a baby sitting in a high chair reaching out for his mother who happened to be showing off her tramp stamp for the camera.

Single mother, under the age of 30, tramp stamp, small child in the photo; total slut. She probably has daddy issues too.