The Beginning…

There comes a time in history when a man rises, a man so awesome that he invokes awesome-envy in his fellow man.  He has wisdom far greater than any tome ever written, and to hear him speak would bring tears of joy to the listener’s ears.  I am The Educator, and today is the beginning of the New Age of Enlightenment.  If you take heed to the stories and revelations that I have lay witness to, your life will reach a level of awesomeness that I dare say, will be legendary.  So it begins…

Email conversations

From Robin:

I made whole wheat pasta with chicken in a lemon garlic sauce Sunday night, so I have that. In fact…I am going to heat that up now and sit here with it and continue to deny everyone. That is what I have been doing for most of the morning. I had one student who wrote an essay about how she was a snickers bar…. but it didn’t really make sense. There was interest potential… but it failed. So sorry…

Haaaaaaaaave you met, me?

No really, have you?

My friends and I had an impromptu BBQ last night. I was sitting on my balcony with a couple of friends talking about what we were going to do for the night and we decided that we should get some food. Five phone calls, sixteen text messages and two hours later we were dining on some delicious hamburgers, hot dogs and coneys that one of my friends had grilled. Whilst dining on our very American food and throwing back a couple of Sam Adams Summer Ale, we got into a discussion of one of my friends from college.

It is funny because now I look at this guy as the kind of friend that most people would cringe about. At times he can be socially awkward, if you don’t know him he will be a complete asshole, and he really isn’t a man of his word. Now none of these things really have anything to do with the point of this story, but I felt like being a prick and sharing some of his character flaws.

So back to the point of this story, he called me a couple of weeks ago to catch up since we hadn’t talked in a good two months and wanted to see how things were going. I was sharing with him the tales of my recent exploits and he made a comment on how easy it is for me to pick up women. Now I certainly will not argue that fact. I’ve often been compared to a Pablo Picasso, Michaelangelo, or Leonardo di Vinci.

What he said was pretty bold, even for me. His thought was that I didn’t really need to put any effort in to picking up girls at the bar. Now while I would like to think that it really is that easy, I know that I can’t just walk into the bar and “let them smell me” like he thinks should be possible. So after explaining to him that it really doesn’t work like that, he asked me why I hadn’t had a more recent story for him. I apologized for not having an exploit from the previous weekend but made it known that it really wasn’t my fault.

You see, he wasn’t privy to the information that at present I lack a true wingman. And just in case he wasn’t following my line of thought, I had to explain to him how most of the guys that I know around here happen to be dead. They might still be breathing, but they are in some ridiculous sort of committed relationship, be it marriage, girlfriend, cougar, etc., that they really have no opportunity to come out for a night of hitting on and picking up any of the tasty treats that I happen to write about from time to time.

I can hear the cries now that a true artist shouldn’t need any help. And I certainly agree that to a certain extent, I shouldn’t need any assistance. I’ve never needed anyone to hold my hand in my conquests. The problem comes from being that guy at the bar. You all know that guy. You avoid him at the bars because he is there by himself. He is typically at least slightly inebriated and you aren’t really sure where he came from. So, to assure that I do not turn out to be that guy, I at least need to have one or two people at the bar with me.

Dirty Little Office Romance

“I don’t get involved with people I work with.”

I’ll be honest and tell you that I have never been good with my own rules. I’ve always been good about following societal rules, and I don’t think I’ve ever broken the “Bro Code”, but my own rules I tend to interpret quite liberally.

One such rule can be summed up simply as, “Don’t poop where you eat!” I’ve actually made the mistake before. Several years ago, I happened to find myself involved for a roughly two month period with one of the interns at my company. Yes, I know you are thinking of the rumors that just being seen together from time to time could have started… Hot little intern, wearing a short skirt, “lunch breaks” together in my office. Are they really rumors if you start them yourself? And speaking of starting rumors about yourself, is that wrong?

Now, I will neither confirm nor deny those rumors, but the fact of the matter is that I broke my rule of not getting involved with people I work with. Well, the intern has since become a full time employee that I thankfully never have to see, but the situation still remains so that it could certainly be an awkward situation some day. Personally, it doesn’t bother me. It never has. I attribute that to my awesomeness. My point, however, is that while this situation didn’t turn out to be that big of a problem, it certainly could have and I could see myself in the same situation if I’m not careful.

You see, there happens to be another hot little thing that I work with. I’ve only recently become more closely involved with her as she was married when she first came to our company and I have been doing my best to follow my rule. Well now that I have found out that she is most certainly no longer married and from what I can tell has at least a fleeting interest in yours truly, I am once again considering ignoring my ban on becoming involved with people I work with. I’m certain it could be a disaster, but the risk involved is just too exciting not to consider it.